


What Kiss?

by narumimakoto



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-02-26 04:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13228506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narumimakoto/pseuds/narumimakoto
Summary: Kiss? What Kiss? Zen was only talking Saeyoung that night, right?





	1. it didn't happen

Saeyoung downed one drink, and then another, and another, and another. He drank until the R.F.A members only party was nothing but background noise in his clouded mind. How could someone feel so alone surrounded by all of their friends? 

A New Years Eve kiss is a tradition, one Saeyoung had never actually been able to uphold but one he’d dreamt of. With his work before, he had never had much time for dating. He never really wanted to. While the thought of a partner was nice, he didn’t want to risk endangering anyone and stuck to himself. But with the past year being a lot more calm as he tried to distance himself from that field and get closer to his brother again, he felt lonely. Especially after his brother got a boyfriend before he did. Now, he was definitely happy for Saeran and Yoosung, but he was also jealous.  _ Insanely jealous.  _ How did the two people with the worst social skills he’d ever seen end up together?

He had even thought for a while he’d finally found a girlfriend who would stick with him. But after the Mint Eye situation calmed down, M.C. and Jaehee wound up together, leaving Saeyoung alone once again. It seemed like everyone in the R.F.A now was sleeping with each other, even Jumin and V. Those two liked to play off their obvious interest in each other as nothing more than being close because they’re childhood friends, but anyone with a single brain cell could tell how they really felt.

Saeyoung was sure even Zen had found someone, judging by him going on and on about how oh so beautiful co-worker that was of course nowhere near as beautiful as him based on the photo he’d sent of them together. She was pretty, Saeyoung would give her that. But Zen outranked her by a million. His hair, a style that would be ridiculous on anyone else but one that worked on him, looked much shinier and softer than hers did. And his eyes, the beautiful red caught your attention much better than her brown ones did. After that, Saeyoung could recall nothing about the girl. But that only goes to show how much better looking Zen was. Smooth, clear skin. Even his hands were eye-catching. And his arms and neck and his nose and  _ lips. _

Saeyoung shook his quickly, downing another drink and only worsening his current state. He can’t have himself thinking about his friend like that, especially when he knows it’ll never be reciprocated. Best to nip those feelings in the bud before they really become anything.

Zen watched Saeyoung from over Jaehee’s shoulder as they talked. He sat at the bar in Jumin’s apartment alone, chain drinking whatever he could get his hands on. Zen excused himself, leaving Jaehee, Jumin, and V to continue talking on their own while he went to check on Saeyoung.

“I know the drinks are free tonight, but you should really learn to pace yourself.” Zen teased, sitting in the empty barstool next to Saeyoung and taking his glass away from him.

“You always drink more than I do. Give that back.” Saeyoung groaned and reached for the glass but Zen only slid it further away.

“True, but I’ve been watching you tonight and if you have anymore you’ll probably either pass out or throw up.” Zen’s teasing tone turned serious. “Why are you so upset?”

“I’m not upset.” Saeyoung hiccuped and sighed, leaning forward to lay his head down on the cold bar.

“Drunk Saeyoung is even worse at hiding his emotions than normal Saeyoung.” Zen smiled. “Although Yoosung would deny it, I know I’m a great help when it comes to drunk feelings.”

Saeyoung turned his head to look up at Zen and then sat up slowly. “I’m going outside.”

He slid off the barstool, walking cautiously as he made his way onto Jumin’s balcony. He sat on the ground, his gaze continually shifting from the party inside to the night sky above him.

Zen followed shortly after, sliding the door shut behind him to talk to Saeyoung in private.

“Why are you out here?” Saeyoung complained.

“I can’t have a good time knowing one of my friends is upset. I’m too nice of a guy for that.” Zen grinned. “Plus Jumin isn’t out here.”

“I said I’m not upset.”

“You’ve become a terrible liar.” Zen sat down next Saeyoung and glanced over at him. “What’s wrong?”

“Have you ever had a New Year’s Eve kiss?” Saeyoung asked and began to laugh. “Stupid, right?”

“That’s what you’re so upset about? M.C is in there. She’s drunk enough to let you do it for fun. I’m sure even Jaehee would let you kiss her cheek.” Zen suggested.

“No, I don’t want to kiss either of them.” Saeyoung went back to staring at the ground.

“Oh, got anyone specific on the mind? What’s she like? I’m sure that co-star I’ve talked about when be down.”

“It’s fine. Can’t you just go inside now?” Saeyoung sighed.

“I’m just trying to help. I don’t like seeing my friends feel down.” Zen looked over at Saeyoung sadly.

“What if you can’t help?” Saeyoung glared at Zen, his gaze a mixture of anger and sadness on the verge of tears.

“I’m sure I could if you told me wh-“

“It’s you.” Saeyoung cut him off, his face going immediately red and he stood up to go inside. Zen moved in front of him, holding the door shut. He stared at Saeyoung with a confused look that asked him to elaborate. “The New Years Eve kiss thing. I don’t want to kiss M.C. or Jaehee’s cheek or your co-star, it’s you.”

Zen let go of the door and stumbled backwards in embarrassment. “You’re a lot drunker than I thought.”

“I’m not drunk Zen. Buzzed? Yes. But not drunk.” Saeyoung walked up to Zen and rest his hands on his shoulders. “Can’t you let me just once? You can pretend it didn’t happen if that’ll help you maintain your sense of straight pride.”

Zen stood still, too flustered to think for a moment.

“B-but I’m not-“

“Not gay. Not into guys. Whatever. I know and that’s why this sucks. It really sucks.” Saeyoung began to cry and let go of Zen to wipe his eyes with his sleeves. “Maybe I am drunk.”

“Maybe I should tak-“

Saeyoung held up a finger to shut Zen up as he watched the time on his watch change to 12:00. Saeyoung looked at Zen with pleading eyes and Zen sheepishly shook his head yes. Saeyoung took him by the collar pulling him close and kissing him briefly before letting go and pushing him away. Saeyoung smiled weakly as his cheeks flushed red and he began to cry again. Zen stared at him, watching the way the fireworks in the sky lit up the moment in reds as beautiful as Saeyoung’s lips and golds as bright as his eyes.

“Saeyoung.” Zen spoke softly.

Saeyoung put his finger up to his mouth in the  _ shhh  _ motion and croaked out, “It didn’t happen, right?


	2. wingman

**Yoosung★:** _ did everyone have fun last night? _

**ZEN:** _ I know you and Saeran did. _

**Yoosung★:** _ well then what about you and saeyoung? _

**707:** _ what about us??? _

**Yoosung★:** _zen came back in all flustered after talking to you_

**707:** **_OH!_ **

**707** **_:_ ** _ That would be… _

**707:** _ because… _

**707:** _ it’s top secret! _

**Yoosung★:** _ -_- _

**707:** _ actually _

**707:** _ i don’t remember _

__   


 

_ -707 has left the chat room- _

 

**ZEN:** _ And on that note, _

**ZEN:** _ I have to get back to practice~ _

**ZEN:** _ Oh, and Happy New Year everyone! _

 

_ -ZEN has left the chat room- _

 

* * *

“What happened?” Saeran took Saeyoung’s phone out of his hands and set it on the coffee table.

“Nothing happened.” Saeyoung sighed.

“Something happened. You’re not even making any attempt to cover it up… with me anyways. You were being weird in the messenger. Yoosung is getting all nosy about it and he won’t stop texting me.” Saeran sat down next to Saeyoung and glared at him. “So, what the hell happened?”

“Love is a cruel thing my dear brother.” Saeyoung draped himself across Saeran’s lap as he sighed dramatically.

“I shouldn’t have fucking bothered asking.” Saeran shoved Saeyoung off his lap and onto the tile below. “So who is it now? Just last week you told me you were in love with the girl from Dunkin Donuts because she accidentally gave us 13 donut holes instead of 12.”

“I don’t fall in love so easily, Saeran! This love is the truest of true, the purest of pure!” Saeyoung shouted as if performing a heart wrenching monologue for a packed theater.

“You can drop the act with me.” Saeran stared down at his brother.

“A real man never shows his weak side, especially to those closest to him!” Saeyoung continued shouting, pumping both fists into the air. Saeran groaned and pressed down on Saeyoung’s chest with his foot.

“Please stop or I’ll break your ribs.” Saeran threatened. “I am…  _ trying  _ to help you so shut up.”

“Love is a cruel thing my dear brother.” Saeyoung repeated, cheerlessly this time.

“What are you talking about?” Saeran took his foot off of Saeyoung and sighed. Saeyoung looked away and reached for his phone, but Saeran swiped it away once again. “Is it related to what Yoosung said in the chat before you left?”

Saeyoung sat up, but stayed silent.

“So that’s a yes. I ask, for the third fucking time, what happened? And don’t give me the same  _ I don’t remember  _ bullshit from the chat room.” Saeran glared at Saeyoung as he got off the floor and joined him on the couch again.

“I… have fallen in love with the  _ worst  _ possible person.” Saeyoung admitted, his face flushing red at the confession.

“Oh…  _ oh.  _ **_Oh._ ** Zen?!” Saeran jumped off the couch and shouted in surprise. Saeyoung nodded and buried his face in his hands. “ _ Why? _ ”

“I tried telling myself for a while it was just because I was so heartbroken over M.C. that I was just… I don’t know. Trying to find affection in someone else to fill that gap? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I just liked  _ him.  _ He’s just so-”

“Straight. He is literally the most straight person you could possibly fall for.” Saeran snickered.

“You started dating  _ Yoosung!  _ All he did for as long as I knew him before you came back was go on and on about how much he wanted a girlfriend!” Saeyoung jumped off the couch and pointed at Saeran.

“I…! You, uh… have a point. Sorry.” Saeran apologized. “But… seriously. You know that won’t work out, right?”

“As my brother, aren’t you supposed to be giving me words of encouragement, not tearing down whatever hope I had?” Saeyoung teased.

“I’m trying to be realistic. You were seriously annoying after M.C. dumped you. I don’t want to have to deal with you being upset over something that’ll never happen.” Saeran crossed his arms and pouted. “But, anyways… That’s not all. I asked you what happened and you never told me.”

“I told you I fell in love with Zen.” Saeyoung replied instantly.

“Yeah, but what happened  _ last night? _ ” Saeran questioned harder.

“I don-” Saeyoung began but Saeran glared daggers at him. Saeyoung sighed and continued. “I told him.”

“And?”

“That’s it.”

“No it’s not. Do you forget that I too am trained to tell when someone’s lying? And not only that, we’re twins. So,  _ I know. _ ” Saeran stared Saeyoung down until he began to talk.

“I kissed him.” Saeyoung finally admitted after a long silence. Saeran just stared at him, frozen and wide eyed. “He… he said it was ok and I did it really fast but, oh god I can’t believe I did that.”

“ _ I  _ can’t believe you did that.” Saeran pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and sighed. “So… so what did he say? Like after you kissed him?”

“Uh…” Saeyoung rubbed the back of his neck and laughed nervously. “I cried and told him to pretend it didn’t happen.”

Saeran’s expression fell flat as he glared at his idiot brother. “You’re fucking pathetic. But, wait. Wait. You said he  _ let  _ you?”

“You know how Zen is. One of his best friend’s was nearly drunk and crying in front of him, I’m sure he would’ve done anything to calm me down.”

“Maybe this isn’t  _ that  _ hopeless.” Saeran mumbled, thinking out loud.

“ _ Oooooh? _ Are you going to be my wingman?” Saeyoung elbowed Saeran in the gut repeatedly until Saeran retaliated with a kick to the shin.

“ **_No_ ** . I’m just trying to think of something that’ll fix this because having to deal with you ‘depression shopping’ and building stupid fucking things is annoying.” 

“It’s ok. It’s ok. Tomorrow we can work on getting you to admit your feelings too.” Saeran kicked Saeyoung again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short but i felt like this was kinda necessary to be a stand alone chapter? idkasjdhk
> 
> anyways again i cant believe i actually forgot that saeyoung doesnt drink i am a fake mysmes fan i hope ull forgive me


	3. definitely straight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which zen talks to yoosung about his problems

Zen reread Saeyoung’s last messages a few times before wishing everyone a happy new year and leaving the chat room himself.

Saeyoung doesn’t remember what happened? Zen found that a bit hard to believe considering how much he emphasized that he was a) not drunk and b) actually wanted to kiss him. But, if he really didn’t remember, Zen could also forget it had happened and go on like normal.

But why did that option hurt to think about? It’s not like he was interested in Saeyoung. Or any guys for that matter. He had nothing against it, they just simply weren’t his type. No man could match the grace and beauty of women, except for himself of course.

So if he had no feelings for Saeyoung, what was this feeling in his gut? Ah! Of course, how could someone forget kissing someone as beautiful as Zen? A direct hit to his pride. That must be it, that had to be it. No other reason would make sense, right?

 

* * *

 

“Thanks for lending an ear. I’ve been so unable to focus on practice the past few days, it feels good to get out.” Zen took a huge gulp of his beer.

“Of course! Even though my semester only started on the 5th, I already feel swamped so I’m happy to help!” Yoosung replied enthusiastically.

“So, one of my co-workers recently confessed to me and has been avoiding me since, even saying they don’t remember it happening, and I didn’t think it would bother me because someone like me is always getting tons of confessions but I’ve been unable to focus at _all_ lately because of it.” Zen sighed and finished his first beer, immediately signaling to the bartender for a second.

“So you like them?”

“No! I mean, yes of course I do, but not like that.” Zen answered. Yoosung thought for a moment, chugging down water as he did so. He decided no drinking till this semester was over. He didn’t need to miss class and get behind in his work due to a hangover.

“Have you tried talking to them about it?”

“Once.” Zen sighed.

“Well, I’d say try again. A few times if you’re really sure about how feel. Persistence is key!” Yoosung ordered another water and turned back to Zen.

“How did you realize you liked Saeran?” Zen asked. Yoosung’s face and neck flushed bright red.

“Ah, uh… Hahaha, that’s-” Yoosung stuttered.

“No need to feel embarrassed. I’m just wondering what the feeling is like.”

“Well, uh, for me at least it just started out with me wanting to help him because I felt sorry for him. But it kind of became like… you know how in movies and stuff when the person's heart is always like pounding and they’re nervous but like good nervous?”

“Wow Yoosung, had no idea you were such a romantic!” Zen exclaimed and hit Yoosung on the back.

“B-back to the topic at hand! Your co-worker. What are they like?” Yoosung changed the subject.

“Oh, well… kind of loud. Super obnoxious, but not in the bad way. Funny. Definitely a bit weird.” Zen began listing things off as he counted on his fingers.

“Wow, is your co-worker Saeyoung?” Yoosung began laughing and Zen froze for a second. Yoosung stared at him. “Oh my god, have you been talking about Saeyoung?”

“Oh! Super sorry, it’s already so late that I’ll barely have time to practice my lines before I go to bed!” Zen finished his drink, set down the cash and tip for his drinks, and quickly left the bar, leaving Yoosung alone inside.

Yoosung paid for his water and left, texting Saeran as he waited for a cab.

 

> **Yoosung★** : _SAERAN SAERAN_  
>  **Yoosung** ★: _YOU WERE RIGHT_  
>  **Saeran** : _About what?_  
>  **Yoosung** ★: _SAEYOUNG AND ZEN_  
>  **Saeran** : _Did you talk to Zen or something?_  
>  **Yoosung** ★: _YEAH he pretty much told me outright saeyoung confessed and he cant stop thinking about him_  
>  **Yoosung** ★: _what should we do_  
>  **Saeran** : _Wingmen of the century so these two dumbasses can stop moping around and talk to each other about it already?_  
>  **Yoosung** ★: _YES_
> 
>  

* * *

 

Zen walked into his living room and immediately fell face first onto his couch, not even bothering to take his shoes. How could he have just told Yoosung he couldn’t stop thinking about Saeyoung of all people? He rolled over and rubbed his face. _Why_ can’t he stop thinking about him. It wasn’t even _that_ good of a kiss. It was sloppy and short. Not that Zen really had much to go off of though. As much as he craves romantic interaction he very rarely goes on dates, much less kisses anyone. He’s had to for plays before, but those were purely professional with no feeling behind them. So… maybe kissing Saeyoung wasn’t all that bad. But it wasn't the best. Definitely not.

And even if he _did_ like Saeyoung, wouldn’t he have realized way sooner? They spend a lot of time together and he’s never felt so confused after being with him as he has been recently. Even all the times in the past when Saeyoung had been jokingly flirting with him, calling him things like master~♡, Zenny, or complimenting his appearance much stronger than the other RFA members had, Zen had felt nothing like what he’s feeling now.

Seeing Saeyoung in person, whether at RFA parties or at either of their houses, never evoked any emotion in him either. Even seeing him dressed as a girl in public before, nothing. Although, he had to admit seeing Saeyoung in a dress with long hair did make him look _beautiful_. The red wig he always wore wasn’t too far off from his normal hair color and he never wore glasses with that get-up either. His eyes also captured Zen’s attention better that way, even more so if Saeyoung decided on wearing eye make-up. And his lips looked good in lipstick. The dresses too were always short too, to show off his legs. He looked good in thigh highs, Zen thought. Even though he was muscular, it looked good, made you want to run your hand over his thigh and-

Zen slapped his cheeks with both hands and sat up quickly. He checked the time on his phone. Perfect, time to start his nightly routine before he goes to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i say “sorry this is so short” every time i update Anything but i do mean that im sorry everything is always so short


	4. just talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which saeran is the only helpful one in this whole situation

Heartbreak is something Saeyoung Choi has grown accustomed to. His brother broke his heart, V broke his heart, Rika, M.C. It’s no surprise when Zen does the same. He’s spent so much of his life living like he’s a ghost inside of a hollow shell. He’s distant enough to drive everyone away, but the outside is so fragile that it might shatter under any touch.

He’s stupid, and he knows it. He had allowed himself to be too happy and too comfortable when he met M.C. Hell, it had been 11 days before they were an official thing, and even though they’d been through a lot together at that point, it’s far too soon for anyone. But Saeyoung Choi, God Seven Zero Seven, was finally allowed a taste of what it meant to be truly loved by someone and he ate it up. He fell head over heels and ended up with more bruises than he had anticipated.

He was happy for M.C., at first. He told himself that as long as she was happier with Jaehee than with him, he was all for it. But time went on and he began to feel the sting of a broken heart once more. He wondered what it was about him that drove her away and came to the incredibly simple, definitely not vague, answer of: everything. She must have simply grown tired of him. Because who would want to dedicate their love to someone who never slept, overworked himself to avoid thinking, and was too scared to get  _ too _ close, physically and emotionally?

For someone who blamed himself for every time someone hurt him and was scared of affection, he craved it like a drug. He was being an idiot again, allowing himself to feel anything for Zen and even getting upset despite the knowledge that the feeling would never be reciprocated.

“You’re doing it again.” Saeran appeared beside Saeyoung, scaring Saeyoung half to death. He looked at Saeyoung with a mixture between sadness and annoyance.

“Doing what exactly?” Saeyoung readjusted his glasses after them having been previously knocked sideways due to the scare. Saeran’s expression turned to full annoyance and he stepped back away from Saeyoung’s desk, leaning against the wall instead.

“This. Drowning yourself in some stupid project to avoid thinking and it’s annoying.” Saeran gestured to the half complete mini robot on Saeyoung’s desk. Saeyoung sighed and went back to working on his newest creation. Saeran watched silently for a bit, eventually pulling the stupid thing from Saeyoung’s hands. “Maybe I was a little harsh the other day.”

“You’ll have to be more specific.” Saeyoung grinned at Saeran who raised his hand, holding the robot, threatening to throw it on the ground. “Sorry! Sorry! But… for real. About what?”

“In saying you have no chance with Zen. Even though it baffles me how anyone could like someone so… him, it was presumptuous of me to dismiss it like that.” Saeran sighed, already mentally shaming himself for the piece of advice he was about to offer. “I think you should give it- him a shot.”

Saeyoung stood up silently and began to walk circles around Saeran, looking him up down thoughtfully. Saeyoung kept squinting and putting his thumb under his chin, humming a few times and tugging at Saeran’s clothes.

“What the  _ fuck  _ are you doing?” Saeran raised the robot again and Saeyoung backed off, immediately bowing down in an apologetic pose.

“Making sure you’re actually my brother.” Saeyoung stood back and looked at Saeran again.

“What, I can’t be nice to you every once and a while?” Saeran groaned, beginning to get annoyed once again.

“You’re always nice just never straightforwardly like this.” Saeyoung sat back down at his desk, spinning a few times in his chair upon impact.

“Whatever.” Saeran set the robot back down on Saeyoung’s desk. Saeyoung reached for it but Saeran kicked his chair, sending him rolling across the room. “Don’t touch it. But I seriously think you should just… talk to him at least. I  _ know  _ you’ve been ignoring him.”

“Why are you so sure that I should bring it up to him again?” Saeyoung pouted. He brought his legs up onto his chair and rest his chin on his knees.

“Because I talked to Yoosung and he knows Zen pretty well. All I’m saying is your chance is most likely not zero percent like you think it is. And not only that, but I’m getting tired of-” Saeran paused and motioned to the mess on Saeyoung’s desk once more. “This. When M.C. broke up with you you made like 50 of these. You and Zen were never even a thing, yet, and I can already tell that you’re going to be more upset than you were then if you let this go.”

“That’s where you’re wrong! That whole thing-” Saeyoung waved vaguely in the direction of the couch where, a few days prior, he told Saeran about how he felt about Zen. “Was a few days ago. I’m a changed man now. The robot is purely for  _ fun. _ ”

“ _ Oh, dear brother. Love is a cruel thing. _ ” Saeran did his best to imitate Saeyoung’s voice as he draped a hand dramatically over his head. “Do you take me for an idiot or something?”

“Ah, well-” Saeyoung began but Saeran cut him off. He picked Saeyoung’s phone up off his desk and threw it at him.

“Call him. I’ll know if you didn’t.” Saeran walked over to the couch, picking up an already packed backpack and going out through the garage. “I’m going to Yoosung’s now.” Saeran shut the garage door behind him and was gone.

Saeyoung stared at the phone in his hands, slightly mad at himself for even allowing himself to think about calling Zen. What would he even say?  _ Sorry that I kissed you and told you to forget it ever happened but I’d like to dig that back up now because I think I might actually be in love with you.  _ Saeyoung knew Saeran wasn’t lying when he said he’d know if he didn’t call Zen. That was one thing he didn’t like about being twins. He was sure twin telepathy was a real thing since they always knew what the other one was thinking.

He hovered over the call button on Zen’s contact for a solid ten minutes, if not more, before locking his phone and shoving it in his pocket. He paced the room quietly, for the most part. He was a quiet walker, a habit he never lost from childhood or his years of fieldwork, but his sighs were loud and so was his phone as his ringtone began to blare.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, freezing once he saw  _ Zen  _ on the screen.

“Dammit. Saeran must’ve told Yoosung to talk to him.” Saeyoung mumbled. He took a few heavy breaths before answering.  _ You can do this. You can do this. _

“Hello?” His voice cracked. Well shit. For a second he actually considered hanging up, changing his number, and never speaking to anyone again so he could avoid having anyone have to hear him sound like a 13 year old whose voice had just begun to change, like it had just now.

“Can we talk?” Zen asked. At least he sounded calm and collected.

“What about?” Saeyoung turned on his 707 persona, dancing around any and all questions that were about to come his way with the personality and tone of a scheming child.

“You know what. I haven’t been able to get the kiss out of my mind and I need to talk to you.”

“Straightforward as ever.” Saeyoung teased.

“I don’t like to avoid talking or scoot around topics like someone else I know.” It was like Zen was glaring at him with his voice, Saeyoung thought.

“Oh! How vague. I thought you liked being direct?” Saeyoung continued to dance around the subject and pester him.

“Listen, Saeyoung. Can we please just talk about what happened? The kiss, and you in general, have had me distracted all week and the only way I can focus again is  _ if we talk _ .” Saeyoung felt his whole face get hot, he knew his skin was probably comparable to his hair at this point.

“Ah…” Saeyoung laughed weakly. “Saeran just got back so I’m gonna have to let you go!” Saeyoung shouted and hung up immediately. He threw his phone onto the couch and buried his face in his hands while he remained standing.  _ The kiss, and, you in general, have had me distracted all week. _

“What am I, some high school kid? Why am I so worked up?” Saeyoung mumbled. He’s got it worse than he thought.

 

* * *

 

Zen stared at his phone with frustration. Saeyoung was always an annoying guy to deal with. In the chat room he changed subjects to something that never mattered whenever the topic landed on him and he could  _ never  _ be serious. Why did he even bother trying to talk to Saeyoung over the phone?

“Your idea to call Sa- my co-worker was a dumb one.” Zen told Yoosung over the phone. “I need a better one.”

“Why me though?” Yoosung asked, his voice more distant from the phone than usual.

“You managed to snag Saeran which definitely could  _ not  _ have been easy. You’re the best one to ask.” Zen sighed. He put his phone on speaker and set it down on his bathroom counter to take his hair down and begin getting ready for bed.

“For your information, Yoosung was the impossible one to get in this relationship. He’s kind of airhead when it comes to signals.” Saeran suddenly spoke up.

 

“Oh, hey. Didn’t uh, realize you were there too.” Zen stuttered, obviously embarrassed. Wasn't he supposed to be with Saeyoung?

“Speaker. And anyways, I know it’s my brother you’re talking about so the best piece of advice I can give you is to talk to him in some way where he can’t get away. Over the phone or in the chat are useless.” Saeran’s voice got louder, Zen assuming he had picked the phone up to hold it. In the background he could hear something wet hit something hard and then Yoosung squeal.

“Should I let you guys go?” Zen asked, beginning to pull out and apply a face mask.

“That was a wet rag that fell and Yoosung slipped. We’re cooking. Don’t let your mind wander.” Saeran told Zen, pausing to laugh at something Yoosung had said that Zen couldn’t quite make out. “Just go over to my house and talk to him. If you’re that desperate to talk to him and he doesn’t let you in, I’ll just tell you the code.”

“You’re surprisingly helpful.”

“My brother is being annoying because of what happened. If this’ll fix it, I don’t care what you do.” Saeran hung up immediately afterwards.

> **Saeran:** _ 01110011 01110101 01110010 01110000 01110010 01101001 01110011 01100101 _
> 
> **Saeran:** _ For if he doesn’t answer. _

“What the hell kind of gate code is that?” Zen mumbled as he read the 64 digit code off in his head. It’s definitely a very Saeyoung thing to do, though.

 

* * *

 

“Here’s your phone back.” Saeran slid Yoosung’s phone into the back pocket of Yoosung’s jeans and kissed him on the back of the neck.

“Thanks.” Yoosung turned around to kiss him before he walked away, pulling away quickly though with the sudden realization of something. “Wait, why did you call me an airhead?” Yoosung shouted, only half offended.

“I was very seriously hitting on you for  _ months _ before you realized.” Saeran grinned. “But it’s okay. Airheads happen to be my type.”

Yoosung pouted and Saeran kissed his forehead. “Those two are so frustrating though. My brother’s going to drive me crazy for a second time if he keeps refusing to talk to Zen about this.”

“What do you think will happen once they do? Do you think they’ll ever like, ya know, end up together?”

“I’m not totally sure. But it’s worth a try to try and set them up so Saeyoung can stop moping.”

“How many more years until you can finally admit you like to help him simply because you care about him?” Yoosung grinned and poked Saeran in the cheek repeatedly.

“Never. He’ll never let me live it down if I ever say something like that. But, don’t change the subject! Even if they don’t get together, they need to at least  _ talk _ .”

“Operation Wingmen is a go.” Yoosung held his hands up like a gun, posing as if he was some spy in a cheesy movie leaving a debriefing meeting about his latest mission. Saeran laughed and did the same, then turned and aimed his “gun” at Yoosung. Which in turn resulted in the two running around the kitchen away from each other like children until the meal they’d been working on while talking to Zen was done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik this is a Sevzen fic but im me and everything feel incomplete unless it has yooran too


	5. sudden confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which zen attempts to talk things out

Saeyoung had gone back to immersing himself in various types of work to temporarily forget his current situation. He worked a bit on the robot, a bit on a hacking job for the agency, a bit on actually cleaning because yes, he was that desperate to distract himself. He was so completely focused that when Zen’s voice suddenly rang through the house from the intercom at the front gate, Saeyoung was sure he had had a heart attack. He dropped the robot as he tumbled to the floor, sending metallic pieces flying in every direction.

“I know you’re there. Can we talk?” Zen repeated, obviously growing impatient. Saeyoung hopped to his feet and began cleaning up the pieces of his broken creation, hoping if he ignored Zen long enough he’d just go away. He definitely wanted to  _ see  _ Zen, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear being rejected. Saeyoung knew that was the only outcome and he was sure it’d be the final straw for his weak mind to come breaking down. As long as he wasn’t rejected, he could pretend these feelings never existed in the first place and he could get over them on his own.

“I’m just going to let myself in.” Zen threatened. Saeyoung froze for a moment, relaxing once he reassured himself nobody but him and Saeran knew the 64 digit code. But that reassurance quickly vanished when he heard the beep indicating the gate was opened. Saeyoung panicked, jumping over the back of the couch to hide behind it.

“Isn’t this a bit pathetic?” Zen looked down at Saeyoung as he leaned over the couch. “I just want to talk.”

“About whaaaaat~?” Saeyoung hummed.

“You  _ know  _ what. I told you it’s been on my mind and I haven’t been able to focus well in practice. And I know as long we both avoid it, I’ll only grow more unfocused and Yoosung will continue to complain to me about Saeran complaining to him about you.” Zen paused. “And you know I prefer talking face to face anyways. So, can you get off the floor and talk to me?”

“There isn’t anything to talk about because it didn’t happen, remember?” Saeyoung brought his finger to his lips in the  _ shh _ position like he did that night. Zen rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Can you act like an adult for just  _ one  _ second?”

“It’s something I’ve yet to try. I’m not sure I’d be so good at it.” Saeyoung brought his hand up to his chin, looking as though he was thinking deeply. Zen glared at him, patience wearing noticeably thin. Saeyoung sighed and continued, “In all honesty, what  _ is  _ there to talk about exactly?”

“Just… that. I don’t know. I  _ do  _ know I can’t afford to be in a daze during the practice for this show. It’s not something that even I can learn easily.”

Saeyoung hopped to his feet and began to pace, actually thinking hard this time. Ten, no, maybe twenty minutes he stayed like that. Dead silent and lost in thought.

“If it’d help, we can go somewhere. To quote Saeran ‘talk to him in some way where he can’t get away’.” Zen suggested.

“You talked to Saeran about this?” Saeyoung stopped pacing and looked at Zen, confused.

“More like he talked to me. But that doesn’t matter. Would that help? I’m sure going somewhere with someone like me is much better than talking here.” Zen smiled and winked and Saeyoung felt his stomach knot up.

“I-I guess that’s fine.” Saeyoung stuttered.

 

* * *

 

What kind of an idiot is he? He wanted to avoid spending time with Zen and now he’s sitting across from him in a cafe. It almost felt like a date because of where they were, but he quickly shoved that thought out of his mind.

“Okay! We’re here now, so it’s time to talk this out.” Zen declared. “What was all that about the other night?”

“Side effect of the alcohol, I guess.” Saeyoung took a sip of the PhD. Pepper he got.

“You were far more alert than you’re trying to convince me you were. You made it quite clear to me you weren’t drunk.”

“Maybe~? I do remember saying in the chat my memory of that night is a bit hazy.” Saeyoung hummed.

“Can I ask you something else then? Since you seem to want to avoid my original question.” Saeyoung nodded in reply and Zen continued. “There were seven people at that party, not including Jumin’s staff. Seven people, two of which far more likely to want to kiss you than me, and yet you still chose me.”

“ _ You  _ said I could.” Saeyoung interrupted.

“Off topic!” Zen whisper shouted.

“It’s really not.” Saeyoung replied.

“Still, that doesn’t matter. Back to my question. Why me? I mean I can think of a hundred, no, a thousand reasons but none of which I would’ve thought you would go for.”

“If I tell you will you drop this and we can both go back to acting like it didn’t happen?” Saeyoung sighed. Zen nodded.

“Truth is, I was simply desperate.” Saeyoung shrugged and smiled. “The mixture of alcohol and my most terrible heartbreak caused by M.C. caused me to be desperate for one small act of affection.”

Zen stared at Saeyoung with a blank face. “Okay, and the real reason?”

“Ah! It seems my acting is not quite up to par with Mr. Theater Freak here.” Saeyoung laughed slightly. “That truly is the reason, though.”

“I followed Saeran’s advice and brought you here so that you  _ wouldn’t  _ run away from the conversation. Can you just tell me?”

Saeyoung went back to thinking like he had done in his living room, except he wasn't pacing this time. He held his chin in the same ridiculous manner and hummed to himself as if having an actual internal conversation with himself.

“I think I might be in love with you.” Saeyoung suddenly confessed. Zen choked on his coffee and began coughing so hard Saeyoung was half afraid he'd hack up a lung.

“You’re not lying.” Zen mumbled after catching his breath.

“I know I’m not, no need to tell me that.” Saeyoung sighed and stood up quickly. “So, there you go. I told you the reason, so now I’m going to leave and we’re going to both go back to acting like that kiss and now this conversation never happened.”

“W-w-wait. You can’t just leave after saying something like that.” Zen stood up too, causing most of the attention in the small cafe to now be directed at them, not that either of them noticed.

“It’s not as if you’re going to return the feeling, right? So, there’s nothing else for me to say.” Saeyoung gulped down what was left of his drink and turned to leave. “God 707, away!” He tossed his now empty cup into the trash can across the room and bolted out the door. Zen stayed standing for a moment, before deciding to leave also after remembering he had been the one to give Saeyoung a ride here.

By the time he got out to the parking lot, Saeyoung was nowhere in sight. So, he gave up and went home.

 

* * *

 

“You seem more upset than when I left.” Saeran noted as he walked past Saeyoung, who was sprawled out on the floor, soaking wet.

“Well, I confessed to Zen and got stuck in the rain walking back here. I wouldn’t consider this an A+ afternoon.”

“Woah, what did he say?” Saeran walked over to where his brother was and stared down at him.

“I didn’t actually see if he had anything to say.” Saeyoung brought his hands up and slapped them down on his face.

“You moron.” Saeran kicked him in the side, lightly.

“We both know what he was going to say so it doesn’t matter.” Saeyoung complained. Saeran sighed and sat down on the couch.

“How long have you been sitting here like this?” Saeran leaned over and pulled at Saeyoung’s still wet pant leg.

“I don’t know. Half an hour maybe.”

“Well go change. You’re going to make the rug mildew if you just sit here till you’re dry.” Saeran dug his foot in Saeyoung’s side and flipped him over. Saeyoung mumbled something like  _ yeah yeah _ and left the room to change.

 

* * *

 

Zen stayed sitting on his motorcycle for awhile while it was parked. He did his best thinking on it, even if it wasn’t moving.

“I went over there to fix this problem, but now I’m even more unfocused.” Zen groaned. What did what Saeyoung say even matter? He’s been confessed to plenty of times, that was nothing new. Maybe it was just the fact it was someone he was so close with that has him this shocked. It wasn’t even new information for Zen. Saeyoung’s always been a flirt and especially after the kiss, Zen knew Saeyoung as felt strongly about him. But Saeyoung was right. Zen wasn’t going to return the feeling. So then why did he stop him in the cafe? Why was he this worked up over it?

Zen took his helmet off and ran his hands through his hair. “This is turning out to be a pain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one thing i want to clarify is that all of zen's internal thoughts and out right trying to deny he has feelings for seven isn't homophobic  
> "beck it's just a fic it's not that deep"  
> i know it's not but i've read far too many fics where the Super Straight Guy is homophobic and annoying until one day he's just like Oh I'm Gay and this isn't one of those  
> a lot of this based on Personal Experience and basically coming out to yourself i know i write zen as like "oh well seven's a guy so i don't like him" and "why do i feel this way he's a guy after all" it's not meant in a bad way
> 
> ANYWAYS nobody has actually said anything to me about it but i've been frustrated and annoyed over fics like that before i just wanted to say this in case anyone was Thinking that


	6. 0:39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which saeran offers saeyoung some advice

A lot had changed in the past year and a half.

Saeran was back, Jaehee stopped working for Jumin, and M.C. stopped loving Saeyoung.

It took 11 days for them to fall in love, longer for Saeyoung to fall head over heels, and less time for M.C. to lose her feelings altogether.

11 days isn’t a long time, but it was long enough for Saeyoung and M.C., so he thought.

The first day, he decided to dedicate himself to just watching over her. Becoming a guardian angel of sorts. Saeyoung watched the innocent girl through security cameras in Rika’s apartment, slowly finding himself becoming more infatuated with all her movements.

The way she walked, her steps always light and bouncy despite the tense situation she was in. The way she talked to herself, singing along to songs she knew and humming to ones she didn’t. The way she’d stop and draw things for Saeyoung, holding the paper up to the cameras when she was done. She was by no means a world class artist, but her art made Saeyoung happy nonetheless.

Even when M.C. knew that there was a bomb threat and crazed hacker targeting her, she was calm and happy. She was concerned for the rest of the group more than herself.

When Saeyoung met her in person, he only fell for her more. He tried to distance himself the best he could, a girl as good as her didn’t deserve to be pulled any further into that mess due to falling for him. He tried to ignore her, force her to leave him alone, shove her away. But she was persistent in her advancements on him. She wanted to get close to him and Saeyoung thought he might just let her. Mistake 1.

Saeyoung hadn’t had many happy moments in his life. M.C. was a beacon of hope for him. He was Icarus and she was the sun. He ignored all internal warnings and allowed himself to fall for her completely.

After they rescued Saeran from Mint Eye and he was in the process if recovery, they thought they might settle down. They were totally in love. He needed her and she wanted to be there for him.

They were totally in love and totally ready to tie the knot, but that required work. So they talked. And they talked and they talked and they talked till neither wanted to listen but knew they had to. And they decided they were ready.

To celebrate Saeran coming home, they held a party. Saeran was able to meet the rest of the R.F.A members in a positive light. He hit it off with Yoosung and Saeyoung couldn’t have been happier. M.C. also finally met the other members in person and she hit it off with Jaehee. Mistake 2.

At the party they announced their engagement and two months later they called it off. M.C. told Saeyoung she was sorry, but her feelings had faded for him and she had fallen in love with Jaehee. Jaehee apologized too, an action Saeyoung felt unnecessary. Human emotions change and it was nobody’s fault.

Except maybe his own. He didn’t blame either of the girls. In fact, he was overjoyed for them. Jaehee quit working for Jumin and opened a bakery with M.C. They both seemed the happiest they had ever been when they were with each other. Saeyoung offered them nothing but words of kindness and wished them the best in their business. And all of that only made him feel more guilty for being jealous of it all.

If only he had worked harder, he thought. If only he had loved her differently. If only he hadn’t introduced them at the time that he did. If only he hadn’t… If only he…

He hated himself for being bitter about it and he hated himself for how easily he let her go because he knew she’d be happier. Two sides of the same coin constantly flipping in his brain.

Until he found his second light. It came in the form of kindness and motivation topped with a ribbon of arrogance.

Saeyoung and Zen had always been friends for as long as Zen had been in the R.F.A. On occasion, Saeyoung had helped boost Zen’s popularity and Zen was thankful. He usually showed that thanks in the form of a selfie, but Saeyoung had always just added it to his collection of R.F.A. photographs and moved on.

They had always been friends but they were never _close_ , not until M.C. and Jaehee told the members about their relationship. Zen congratulated them but quickly shifted his focus to Saeyoung.

“You’re upset.” Zen told him from time to time. “I’m an actor, I’m good at reading fake emotions.”

Saeyoung brushed him off, claiming he really was glad for the couple and there were no hard feelings, which was true in a sense.

Zen never bought it and continued to try and help his friend. He started to call Saeyoung more, just to check in, see how he was. Saeyoung would lie every time but that never deterred Zen. After learning about Saeyoung’s past, he was determined to never let him be upset like that again. All the other members of the R.F.A. had found their happiness, he wanted Saeyoung to find his again too.

Saeyoung wasn’t sure at first if his feelings were that of new born love or just platonic affection. Zen had appeared to lend a hand in a time where Saeyoung’s heart was broken and for that he was grateful. Little by little, he felt himself start to feel better when in Zen’s presence. Soon he felt himself looking forward to nothing but talking to him and seeing him again and it scared him. He knew he was starting to fall for Zen, something he couldn’t afford to do.

“Saeyoung… it’s been four days since you’ve come out of there. This is getting ridiculous.” Saeran knocked on Saeyoung’s door, startling him out of his train of thought. “What happened wasn’t even a big deal.”

“Yes it was. It was to me.” Saeyoung shouted at the door from where he was laying on the floor of his room.

“Can I come in? It’s annoying to talk through the door.” Saeran asked as he opened the door, not waiting for a response. Saeran crawled onto Saeyoung’s bed, looking over the edge at his brother on the floor. “Do you have something against sitting on furniture?”

Saeyoung sighed, took his glasses off, and covered his eyes with his arm. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You’re acting like the world is ending over a rejection that _hasn’t even happened_ .” Saeran glared at him. “Have you even tried talking to him since _you_ left?”

“I can’t.”

“You _can_. You just aren’t. Just text him if you can’t handle a phone call.” Saeran offered.

“ _I can’t_.  I can’t risk it after M.C. I don’t want him to leave me too.” Saeyoung’s voice caught in his throat.

“Do you know what Yoosung told me the night I was going to confess? He had scored a date with one of his classmates. A girl he’d told me about numerous times. After that, I thought it’d be pointless to tell him so I decided not to. But it was _you_ who told me that ‘you need to pursue what makes you happy’. So I said fuck it, I’d spent so long unhappy, if there was a chance with him I’d take it. So I told him because of _your_ advice and it worked out.” Saeran reached over and pulled Saeyoung’s arm from over his eyes, staring down at his teary eyed brother. “Just because you think it’s a useless attempt, that doesn’t mean it is.”

“You can be surprisingly nice to me when you try.” Saeyoung chuckled as he sat up and wiped his eyes. Saeran glared at him, sighing loudly.

“Talking to you gives me a headache.” Saeran got off of Saeyoung’s bed and marched towards the door, stopping in the doorway. He took a deep breath before he continued. “Sometimes risk is necessary.”

Saeyoung smiled at his brother as he left, leaving him alone in his room once more.

_Sometimes risk is necessary. Sometimes risk is necessary. Sometimes risk is necessary_.

Saeyoung took a few deep breaths as he reached for his phone. He pocketed it and pulled it back out a few times as he paced around his bed.

“If you’re going to text him can you hurry up because you smack your feet when you walk and I can’t listen to you do this any longer.” Saeran appeared in the doorway of Saeyoung’s room again, throw pillow in hand ready to toss at him in case Saeyoung didn’t hear him.

“Y-yeah, sorry!” Saeyoung bowed dramatically as he apologized. Saeran simply groaned and left and Saeyoung went back to pacing, pulling his phone out one last time.

> **707:** _can we talk? for real this time. i won’t walk out scout’s honor lolol_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a chapter in which i self project onto saeyoung so much im not sure if this is even in character at ALL DJXMSBD i apologize for taking 3ish months to update this fic and this chapter specifically were super personal which made it hard to write but i feel like i finally feel well enough to start working on my mutlichapter fics again

**Author's Note:**

> i went into 2018 crying and listening to flatsound so i abandoned the fluffy yooran i had planned to start a FIFTH multichapter fic
> 
> edit: IM JUST NOW REMEMBERING SEVEN DOESNT FUCKING DRINK I AM A FOOL so for the sake of this fic lets just say he does bc it happens often in this i cant believe im this dumb


End file.
